alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
we should paint friendship bongs
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