I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
jump out the window naked night went bad
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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