He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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