I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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