really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She's the barista slut.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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