I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
