His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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