He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
