After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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