I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
