The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
