my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
