Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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