i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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