How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
