shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
