i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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