My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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