Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
