I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
