what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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