stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
