How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
