she looked like the bat from fern gully.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
