Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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