i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
