She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
