I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
