i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
