He is an equal opportunity slut.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
