he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
