I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
