Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
