just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
