i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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