dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
