somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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