those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
