I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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