so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
