did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
