i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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