somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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