my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
