Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
