Do you still have your period?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
