Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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