She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
