Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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