You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
