Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
