No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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