We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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